Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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