You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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