you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
