Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
