the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
