I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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