he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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