I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
