dude i'm inner monologue high
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
