The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
