Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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