Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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