So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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