I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
