The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
