Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
