Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
