Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
