She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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