After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize