____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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