Are we in a gay sports bar?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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