my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
