He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
