TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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