I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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