this boner is exhausting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
