I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
