Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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