So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
