Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
