I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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