...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And then he peed in my hair
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