really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
