I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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