you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
