You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
foreskin is a definite game changer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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