Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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