I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
