you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
