I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
