he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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