You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
