I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
