I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
