bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
