There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
