She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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