i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
