Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize