I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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