Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
