dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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