Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
