You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
