There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
God, I missed his penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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