i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
