I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
