I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
