I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
