That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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