Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How does one acquire holy water?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
